A very sad thing happened last week. Three tortured, struggling, once very talented owners opened a very unfair and very nasty investigation into Cal Raleigh specifically as it relates to his so-called Regression (hoax!). It's called SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL. Sorry losers and haters, but Cal Raleigh's OPS is one of the Highest, and you all know it! Seam Heads still have a record OPS at Levels Never Before Seen! In all seriousness, Acuña Matata briefly took the lead and I prepared a gracious transfer of power, but then the standings certified 94.5 to 93. LANDSLIDE VICTORY. The narrative is stronger than ever. Suck it.
New name, same problem for everyone else. The team that was philbell last week and now goes by Acuña Matata spent a single day in first, and then politely returned the keys when the leaderboard reminded everyone who your daddy is. The statline is still annoying for the field: 11.0 in QS, 11.0 in ERA, 11.0 in SVH, 10.0 in K. The bats had a quiet week and it cost them nothing because the staff has built enough cushion to absorb the downturn, even with Bubba Chandler turning four innings into a 13.50 ERA cosplay. Junior Caminero is hitting like a man who skipped his service-time stage entirely, and Sal Stewart kept the contact-and-RBI engine going.
Joel spent another week in the trade portal and came out with Joe Ryan and Jarren Duran shipped in from Vin, which on its face looks like a steal until you remember Vin's spreadsheet considers everything fungible. The HR category is locked at 12.0, the RBI category sits at 11.5, and Elly De La Cruz spent the week reminding the league why he's a top 10 dynasty asset. Adley Rutschman put up a 1.353 OPS in 17 PA, which is exactly why I am still pretending Sam sending Adley, PCA, and Soderstrom to Joel for Bryce Harper was a fat finger and not a real thing that happened. Tovar is doing a .195 OPS impression of a black hole, and somehow it isn't a problem in the slightest.
Third in roto, third in Oracle, and one spot off the top tier mostly because
Acuña Ma( ΰΉ δΊΊ ΰΉ )'s pitching is on
a different level right now. Isaac Paredes and Coby Mayo have decided to stop being plot devices and start
being actual stat producers, SB and QS are holding steady at 12.0, and the only real soft spot is OPS at
5.0. Cam Smith continues to hit like a man being graded on attendance.
The skeleton has been good. The box scores are finally catching up.
Last week the dynasty paranoia was finally translating into the standings. This week however, the standings reread the memo and slid Travis from 3rd in roto on Monday night to 5th by Sunday, while the power rank followed him from 2nd to 5th. That is the most fitting punishment a system can deliver: still #1 in Oracle, still sitting on a single roto point from a bullpen that looks like a hostage situation. Riley Greene and Jazz Chisholm both posted hot weeks and it bought him nothing on the leaderboard because the teams above him refused to fall apart. Cole Ragans struck out 17 in 10.1 innings and still posted a 6.97 ERA, which is its own kind of art. The Oracle still loves him <3. The roto sheet has notes.
Four trades in a week. Eight on the season. Of the 41 players Vin rostered on March 25, only 24 are still here, which makes this less a fantasy team than a baseball-themed witness protection program. Joe Ryan and Jarren Duran went to Rollie for Jonah Tong (#182) and Colt Emerson (#136), Carlos Correa and Duran came in from Trazadone, Logan O'Hoppe came through Inkers, and Matt Shaw wandered over from Seam heads. Michael Harris II ran a 1.426 OPS, Seiya Suzuki hit four homers, and the pitching staff is still posting WHIP 12.0 / ERA 10.0 while the nameplates get changed out mid-inning. Sixth place either way, the "who" is subject to change without notice.
Spencer Torkelson posted a 1.471 OPS with 5 home runs in a single week and it almost paid the rent. Almost. The Meteors gained 20 points in the last 14 days, and still ended at the same 7th-place address because the teams above them refused to give an inch. Christian Walker turned 35 and chose this week to remember what 2022 felt like. Austin Riley's .396 OPS continues to test how much the offense can carry without him.
Two lineup sessions all week, an Oracle ranking of 12, an actual roto rank of 7, and Max Muncy posting a 1.543 OPS at age 36 like the years are a suggestion. The actuarial experiment is still solvent. OPS sits at 11.0, RBI at 9.0, and the roster is mostly held together by Matt Olson's RBI bat and the fact that nobody's bothered to short the team yet. At this point I'll just settle for a creative name change, I've given up hope on the roster construction.
Two lineup sessions, Oracle 11, roto 12, and somehow up two spots in the power rank because the teams below got worse faster than this team got better. Matt McLain put up a .920 OPS, Manny Machado is doing a passable Manny Machado impression, and the staff ratios (WHIP 8.0, ERA 7.0) keep this thing from sinking outright. Mommy if you read this I'll Venmo you $50.
Forty-one lineup sessions in a week is its own form of cardio. Somewhere a Fantrax server got a wellness badge. The good news: SVH at 11.0, ERA at 9.0, and Nathaniel Lowe randomly running a 1.333 OPS while ranked 800th overall, which feels about par for the course on this roster. The bad news: a 14-day points delta of +0.5 means all the activity is mostly treading water, and CJ Abrams' .386 OPS is the part of the season that needs to end. For all my criticism, Bryce Harper is still doing Bryce Harper things at 34. Maybe it's the raw milk?
Ben is still 6th in Oracle and 11th in roto, which is the kind of gap that will eventually correct itself or eat him alive. Kazuma Okamoto and Drake Baldwin are running on time, the RBI points sit at 10.0, and yet HR gave up four points in a week and the bullpen ratios (ERA 2.0, WHIP 1.0) are doing the falling-anvil bit. Brayan Bello giving up 21.60 ERA in 3.1 innings is the kind of statline that makes the spreadsheet look haunted. He shipped Logan O'Hoppe to Vin and got Bryce Elder back, which could be some big-brained hedging or just a swap of two useful players everyone will over-explain later.
A 14-day points delta of -26.5 will do this to a team. ERA still leads the league at 12.0 and WHIP sits at 10.0, so the pitching ratios are doing volunteer work, but the offense gave up eight roto points in OPS over the last week and the whole thing is starting to wobble. Dan also shipped Carlos Correa and Jarren Duran to Vin in exchange for Randy Vasquez and a 4th-round pick, which is the kind of return that gets you very polite and totally not deranged Oracle commentary. Miguel Vargas had a real week. Aaron Nola had a real 11.00 ERA week. The bottom of the table makes sense again. But hey, we all gotta rebuild at some point. The first step is admitting it.