For the record, the algorithm has absolutely no idea who owns it. It is a completely impartial system that happens to have ranked the defending champion first in the standings. Cantillo climbed another 115 spots in the Oracle this week, a player this publication has been quietly pounding the table on, and Nolan Gorman added 100 more. AJ Smith-Shawver fell 93, which is being added to the list of things we are not discussing. The Mason Miller trade with Sam sent saves surplus out the door and brought Julio Rodriguez home, which is what you do when you have 17 closers and a roster spot that could use an outfielder. Leading the league by 2.5 points. The algorithm has spoken. I had nothing to do with it.
Nobody is writing songs about Rollie Fingers. Gregory Soto jumped 113 spots in the Oracle. Didier Fuentes jumped 112. These are not players who trend on Baseball Twitter or appear in highlight packages. And yet: Oracle #3, roto #2, rising. The Andrew Abbott and Luis García Jr. acquisition from Vin Mazzaro is looking more like a robbery every week: García Jr. climbed another 98 spots after arriving last week. Luis Gil fell 67 again, which is the ongoing cost of admission. The Grayson Rodriguez IL bet is a health gamble that history suggests you should lose sleep over. Only team in the top four in both Oracle and roto rankings.
Travis has assembled José Ramírez, Jazz Chisholm, Kyle Schwarber, and now Vladdy Jr. on the same roster. He is fifth in the standings. He has Jhoan Duran and is dead last in the league in SVH — 1.0 roto points. Last place. In saves. With Jhoan Duran. This is the fantasy equivalent of owning a Porsche and consistently losing at the lights. Brady House climbed another 104 spots in the Oracle; Soriano another 119. The 2028 picks paid the price and nobody here seems concerned. The dynasty machine hums. The saves machine has not yet been located.
Mike Burrows climbed 94 spots in the Oracle this week. You do not know who Mike Burrows is. That is fine. He is contributing to a team that leads the league in both strikeouts and quality starts simultaneously. 99.5 points in the last 7 days, the highest total for any team so far. Keep doing your thing, Melonheads. Sonny Gray is 36. The Melonheads do not care.
While Travis was staging a roster heist, Ben was accidentally buying the wrong person, and Vin Mazzaro was mailing players to every team in the league, philbell made zero transactions and watched Ohtani be Ohtani. The strategy is: own the #2 Oracle roster, do nothing, and wait for the standings to catch up. Bednar climbed 111 spots. Ford fell 75. These numbers have been approximately correct for three weeks in a row now. The Oracle is very patient. The Oracle is also not in first place.
Last week Ben was demanding top-of-market value for Vladdy Jr. This week Ben traded Vladdy Jr. and received Brayan Bello, Zach Neto, two pitching prospects, and Mason Miller (RP/KC, MiLB). Not the one with the sub-1.00 ERA. The one from Kansas City. The minor leaguer. Somewhere in the Royals system. Is this horse dead yet? I thought PhD school taught reading comprehension, or maybe PhD school taught him how to play 4-D chess and he knows something we don't? Time will tell. Liam Hicks surged 203 spots in the Oracle, the biggest single mover on any roster this week, and Jared Jones fell 80 to even things out. A PhD in foreign policy. Not in moneyball. Congrats on defending! 🎓
The Oracle ranked this team 12th. I would like to clarify that I stand by this assessment and the current standings represent a statistical anomaly. The standings would like to point out that Dan leads the league in ERA and WHIP — 12.0 roto points in each, best in the league, and is currently fourth, which is not where you put a 12th-place team. Josh Bell jumped 138 spots; Nasim Nunez 103. The 2027 Mid 2nd pick fell 110. The Oracle is not wrong. The Oracle is simply early. Probably.
Drew Gilbert fell 346 spots in the Oracle this week. Three hundred and forty-six. For context: the entire Oracle only goes to about 870. Drew Gilbert covered roughly 40% of the observable universe in a single direction. Paul Skenes and Gunnar Henderson are two of the best players in the league and the Oracle still has this team ninth, which tells you exactly what lives below those two names on the depth chart. Kyle Teel arrived from Rollie Fingers and immediately went to the IL. He fit right in.
Last week Pat set his lineup zero times. This week Pat set it six times. That is a 600% improvement and I'd like to think our gentle encouragement played a role. Pat is still running a fantasy retirement home that occasionally wins roto categories. Corbin Carroll is the only one here who doesn't need a nap after a day game.
I do not know what to say about Sam. Was it unethical to trade Mason Miller for the #10 dynasty player in the Oracle? The Mason Miller acquisition from Seam Heads finally gives this bullpen a real closer but at a high price. Sam has Juan Soto. Juan Soto is the third-best dynasty player in the Oracle. We point this out every week and yet Sam is still tenth in the standings. These two facts coexist without apparent resolution. Otto Lopez 70. The core is fine. The core is an island.
The prayer circle worked! Mike Trout evades the grim reaper for another week. That's where the good news ends, though. If I told you this team was first place at the end of March, would you believe me? Kirby Yates turns 39 this year. He is on the Millville Meteors. This is not a judgment, it is, as has been established, information. Clayton Beeter climbed 93 spots in the Oracle; Erik Sabrowski 83; Christian Walker 75. None of it showed up in the standings, because the Meteors are last in roto despite being one of the most active lineupsetters in the league. They are working harder than their results suggest is mathematically possible. The effort is sincere. The roster is what it is.
Mommy got married Saturday. His fantasy team fell three spots. This is the first known data point on the relationship between marriage and roto performance and it is not encouraging. Fernando Tatis Jr. ran the roster in the manager's absence, which is what happens when your #18 Oracle player is more dialed in than you are. Lineup set twice. The exemption stands. Roto #11. Priorities correctly ordered. 💍